I took yesterday off. From sending this newsletter, not from like…life. Truth be told I was feeling pretty out of sorts all weekend. Just very cranky and sensitive, like a bruise that keeps getting pressed on.
It was glorious outside on Saturday and a good part of Sunday but I felt annoyed all weekend. The dogs were – not misbehaving, exactly, but ever-present in a way I found impossible. We did take them for long walks which helped a little, but the puppy still needs to learn how to go lay down somewhere and leave everyone alone. I don’t remember it taking the other dog so long to learn this one! Also, the last couple of mornings she has chirped me awake before six. Is this preferable to getting up every hour all night? Vastly. Do I like it? N o p e.
Right now I feel chained to this house and to the dogs. Nothing is getting done at all, not the stuff I need to do and certainly not the stuff I want to do. I did get three-fourths of the way through Resilience is Futile this weekend, and I folded one basket of clean laundry. This is not as accomplished as I would like to be after two whole days.
Saturday night after dinner we watched Gone in 60 Seconds, which is movie comfort food for us. I always forget what a cringe Angelina Jolie’s role is and how sickly Giovanni Ribisi looks (like, more sickly than usual) but Nicolas Cage is at peak Nicolas Cage and of course, you have Robert Duvall and a still very wet-behind-the-ears Timothy Olyphant.
Side note: did you know that Giovanni Ribisi was married to Agyness Deyn? Do you remember Agyness Deyn? Suddenly the relatively recent past seems very long ago.
Sunday I ordered brunch from Luna along with a big bouquet from HeatherLily. Normally I would not spend so much on a bouquet but the flowers are really exuberantly beautiful. Every time we have fresh flowers in the house I think “we really need to have more fresh flowers in the house” but this is one of those things you say and then never remember to follow through on. I guess not having them all the time makes them more special, or at least that is the story I am going with.
For a few minutes on Sunday I got a little bit excited about planning dinner for this week, but the feeling went away and now I feel very puny about it, like it’s pushing a boulder up a hill and not just sitting down with some recipes. I’m in a bad mood so I think of it in terms of “how many ways will I cook chicken THIS week” and not “what new recipes can I try” or something that might reframe my attitude a little bit.
If I can steal 30 minutes for myself today I might do some sewing. I can’t even think about re-starting my quilt until both of these dogs are fecked off back to school, but I could do some masks or hem the curtain I bought for the third-floor guest room. I also have more laundry to deal with, I need to make bread, at some point I should probably take a shower, and if there’s a break in the rain then the puppy could really use a walk. None of these things are very hard but it all seems daunting to me somehow!
My mother always said “don’t wish your life away” but I do really wish this week was over. I am ready to get back to normal or at least pandemic normal.