#312
I’m introducing new cake legislature
Last week I posted a note On Here with my old magazine editor headshot. That picture is probably 20 years old; I barely remember looking like that, but I can tell you with 100% certainty that the long-sleeved black T-shirt I am wearing was from Target. Do you ever find a random t-shirt that is just so, so, so perfect? This was one of those. And it was probably about $12. Anyway, RIP that shirt; I know not where she went.
I worked at that magazine for seven years. I originally got hired to manage what were called special sections, aka advertising, aka “advertorial.” This would be, for example, a twice-yearly feature on local spas and salons (my favorite because salon people love to fix you; I got some nice complimentary haircuts, facials, and even extensions during this time). The salons would buy an ad, and then it was my job to figure out how to incorporate them into a story or some kind of feature that didn’t seem like an overt shill. In other words, how the entire internet/social media universe works.
I got promoted a couple of times, and then a few things happened all at once: the magazine’s editor-in-chief left for a book publishing job, and my best friend, the managing editor, left to move to New York. Half out of the company’s desperation, I got the top job and then immediately had to hire three people and make a go of things. I was 32 years old and had my dream job.
This job was, in many ways, NOT A DREAM, but it was also amazing. We used almost no technology as we know it today, aside from “the internet” in general (our publisher fudged our business as “education” so he could provide us with deeply discounted eMacs instead of real computers)1, but without that job, I would not have been able to get any of my jobs in tech. Without that job, I would not have been able to successfully navigate a handful of extremely boot-strappy startups where you have to make something out of almost nothing. And without that job I would not have met my best friend or my husband (awwwwww) or learned any number of things.
I still have several issues of that magazine and sometimes when I read back through them, I cringe, not because they are bad but because I can’t believe a bunch of adults let me run a magazine.
Last weekend some of my family went out to dinner for my mom’s birthday. (You will perhaps recall me complaining about this in a previous issue.) I chose the restaurant, and as I have told myself many times since we went there,
I’d been to this place – a local winery2 – before, but only for a private event; so I wasn’t aware they don’t have table servers. You order your wine from the bar and carry it back to your table, where you scan a QR code and order all your food from an app. It comes out in whatever order the kitchen gets to it and is delivered without fanfare by a disaffected high school student. You have to fetch your own utensils and bus your own table. It is very chaotic.
All of the food was good, though, and the wine wasn’t even half bad. I ordered a cake from the on-site bakery and it was truly wonderful, and this is where I want to tell you about a boundary I am drawing: I will no longer be customizing cake slice sizes for grown adults who can stop eating a piece of cake whenever they like.
I suppose this has to do with diet culture and the way our society is fucked about food and eating in general, but I truly, madly, deeply hate when dessert is offered to a grown-up (usually a woman but the men have gotten in on this lately, too), and the person responds in the affirmative but asks for “JUST a TINY piece” or “yes but not as big as THAT PIECE” or “give me the tiiiiiiiiiniest sliver!”
I am not doing this anymore. If I am cutting a cake, particularly a cake I made or paid for, I am not hacking it into bits around frosting roses and whatnot just so you can…what? Feel virtuous? Not look greedy? It is cake. Eat it or don’t. If you get a big piece, guess what, nobody is going to stand around and monitor you or stuff it down your throat like a jailed suffragette. Stop eating when you are done with it, the end. I gleefully nodded assent as people specified just a subatomic particle for me, please! and then cut every single piece of cake into exactly the same-sized slice. I highly recommend making this policy a part of your life.
Last weekend we binge-watched Off Campus on Prime and it was pretty dumb but pretty good. There are MUCH WORSE things to watch on television and if you like something you can enjoy but kind of make fun of, you’ve come to the right place. Barely anyone you’d recognize is in it, perfect summer television.
We also finally got around to watching Project Hail Mary, which I had been resisting for…I’m not sure why. It was really enjoyable and it reminded me of films I watched and loved in the 80s, like Ghostbusters or Gremlins or War Games. There are stakes, there is danger, there are jokes. And Sandra Hüller is so good in it! I might be the last person left who hadn’t already seen it, but if you are looking for something to watch and don’t mind wholesome entertainment, you could certainly do a lot worse.
The eMac sadly replaced my first computer at that job, the iconic blue iMac.
I tried to explain Ohio winery culture to my French teacher and I’m not sure the concept translates.
I support this cake policy! I also support jail time for people who, when you give them the slice, say, "Oh, it's so much! I couldn't possibly eat all this!"