HACK YOUR HOLIDAY
Instagram reels are definitely rotting away my prefrontal cortex, but one of them introduced me to a handy holiday tip: using a tension shower curtain rod to hold up my prelit fake evergreen garlands. I am mostly pleased with how this turned out! I have not used these garlands in several years due to they are usually a tremendous ass-ache to hang up anywhere. Problem solved, thank you probably some enterprising Mormon mom.
THE FRENCH
The language, not the people. I am still working on my foreign language skills but here’s the thing: the more French language Instagram I watch, the more I am painfully aware that I will only ever sound like a French dweeb. I did recently learn the difference between “oulala” “ohlala” and “rohlala,” the latter of which is not French Scooby Doo but rather the version you use when you are displeased (I am positive I heard this in a Paris taxi more than once).
I challenge myself to think or mutter to myself in French at least once a day, which leads to several crazy-sounding utterances along the lines of “I am cooking a Mexican dish in the kitchen, I am making tacos” and “I am looking for my glasses in my bedroom.” I am not sure that absentmindedly chitchatting to myself about my lunettes dans ma chambre is the way to become more fluent but I suppose one must commencer somewhere.
THE BECKHAMS
It’s embarrassing to admit, particularly for someone married to a European, but I did not know how good David Beckham was at soccer until I watched Beckham on Netflix. I knew he was famous for playing it and was very good-looking and married to a Spice Girl but that was about it. Sorry to David Beckham and offended soccer fans everywhere! I do recommend the documentary, particularly if you remember the 1990s because I bet one thing you don’t remember is how chavvy the Beckhams’ wedding outfits were.
I’VE BEEN WATCHING SOME CULT SHOWS
If you haven’t watched the Twin Flames Universe documentaries on Netflix and Prime Video, I will wait here for you to watch both of them and come back.
[practices French]
Okay, if that is not the most insane thing you’ve ever seen, I need to know what else you’ve been watching! Nothing that I’ve watched – not the NXIVM documentary, not Heaven’s Gate, n-o-t-h-i-n-g comes close to the cuckoopants on display with these people.
As I told my crone friends, Twin Flames Universe is what happens when privileged white men do not take advantage of their privilege to access mental health services. Men really will start a cult instead of just going to therapy!
I also am halfway through the Love Has Won documentary, which is less entertaining due to these people are mostly just garden-variety hippie grifter dickheads. I suppose that sounds harsh, but consider that one of them burned down their house by trying to sage it and starting a brush fire. Smart! But I think it must be difficult to effectively run/manage a cult when you are tripping balls?
The Love Has Won documentary mentions the “twin flame” concept a few times, which tells me that is probably a concept to stay away from, just universally.
THE GILDED AGE
Not a cult documentary, though maybe in some ways a cult documentary? (The cult of non-taxable income and monopolies!) This show is, as Bess Kalb has now famously said, is “a show where nothing happens.” No stakes, just vibes. There are developments, interactions, conversations, but nothing matters. It’s clear there is a bigger costume budget this year, which is exciting! I suggest paying more attention to the dresses than the “dramatic” “plot” “points.”